Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Confession...

How do I embark on this post? Hmmmm... May be the topic is bit irrelevant to the content...

Who cares dude??? Fine.. Let me start with a question...

What am I???
A million dollar question huh...

What do I do???
WTF???

Am partially a computer programmer and partially a project manager...

The next question???
Am I doing something that adheres to the protocol of a manager or a programmer...? Who knows???

Let me think...
Programmers are the guys who actually design the system... In a nutshell, an architect of the system... But am not even close to that... So am a coder... Not a programmer.. Let's forget it...

Let's come to the next one..
Am I a project manager???
He he he... Good joke... Project management... I jus came to know that only 32% of the projects across the globe follows the protocol... The phases of project management are really difficult to incorporate... My project... That's a different story...

So let me ask this question again...
What am I???
Half baked :-)

Leave this... Am I applying something that I learnt in my college???
Before that... What did I do in my college???
Myriad of questions...

Actually I believe Engineering is more difficult than Medicine... Nor that am comparing... But IMHO, it's like this... Medical practitioners tend to recollect the things they learnt in their college days and apply it... But Engineers, they gotta recollect the things they learnt and change the dimensions of their thinking to create new ideas... Engineering is all about creating new ideas... Ideas.. The numero uno of all inventions...
But are we engineers doing that??? Let's not generalize...
Am i doing it??? Good question again...

Most of the Engineering grads from our country thinks that stepping into an IT industry is their final destination... Few grads are really proud of it.. Wearing the company tag gives them pleasure... Telling someone that they work for a software firm gives them ultimate pride...

But for me... I dunno... It doesn't.. The first thing I do as soon as I come outta my office is to remove my ID and keep it inside my pocket... I never wanted to be noted as an IT guy... Somehow I developed a feeling that it's definitely not my cup of tea... May be i wanted to be in a minuscule group... And yes.. It's not even good for the country... Electronics, Electrical, Mechanical, Civil, Production, Automobile, Architect, etc etc etc...Most of these Engineers finally end up in a software firm... Then why should they actually study the concepts of their core subjects..?? Simply our government can void all these courses and just promote computer science and Information Technology... Other Industries are really slumping these days... The growth in Mechanical, civil industries are not upto the mark... Actually to gain a place in a safer zone, we actually spoil other industries and just concentrating on one sector... This growth is not stable and of course it's gonna show it's effects in the near future... I will be definitely there to witness this.. :) I shouldn't blame the work which provided me a social status for the past 5 years.. But this is not the place where I belong... Somewhere I belong...

But do I search that place??? Have I identified that??? Partially Yes... I wanted to start my own firm... I wanna be a boss of myself... Also I really developed an affinity to be a part of film making... That's my passion... But do i take any steps to achieve that??? Ha ha ha... Cos of the society... May be... Am living in a safer zone and I don wanna get rid of it...

When one becomes successful??? When his passion and work are the same... This is the basic mantra of success as far as I know.. But most of us are not following it cos of various reasons...

Let me stop these complaints and get back to my work... Let's see how I take my life from here.. Hope for the best.... :)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

My first .......

I was just holding her hand. It was a nice twilight. The weather was good. I could feel the breeze that carried her scent. I could sense coolness of sea water under my feet. I was walking with her. And I could see that the horizon will never end when I walk with her. Errrrrrrrr.... I was about to open my eyes after a sound sleep. I hated myself for discontinuing the beautiful dream I had. The morning was good. None knows what's gonna happen when one wakes up. Something good, something astounding, something hilarious, may be something bad. Life is full of surprises!!! None knows how to unveil the sieve that binds the next moment secret. I just woke up. Thought the time was around 7 AM. I was too lazy to check the time. Finally decided to check my mobile. Hell!!! It was 9 AM. Someone was shouting outside my room."Raj... Don't you have to go to work today??" Common dude. You got to hurry up. The time when I had my breakfast, it was quarter to 10 AM. Took my bike and hurried to my office.

Office work was usual. Manager's annoyance, peer's doubts, client's deadline,status calls, etc... Anyone working in a service oriented corporate firm (ofcourse most of the younger generations) knows this truth. It was quotidian. And today it was more, since I missed the morning status call which happened around 9AM, the time when I was holding my imaginary girl friend's hand in an imaginary sea shore:-) Finally I was able to free myself from the routine and left the office. I reached the bike stand only to find that my bike had flat tyres. The day didn't start well in the morning and how it's gonna end in a smooth way, I thought to myself, blaming someone other than me for all these stupid things. I decided to park my bike in office and take public transport to reach my home. I went to the nearby bus stop and waited there for my bus.

It was one fucking evening. The weather was soothing. A gentle breeze that will make you to fall in love with nature. As I was enjoying this beautiful weather, multiple things were happening around the world. In a remote place of southern India, a young couple were happy to get positive report that they are gonna have a baby. In Eastlands stadium of Manchester, the entire crowd waited for the final goal. In Madison Square Garden, NY, L9 troops were getting ready for their first performance. And me. I waited in the bus stop without knowing that this moment is gonna change my life forever. I couldn't believe what I saw on that day and that will be cherished by me forever. Just opposite to the bus stop where I stood, there was another big building, something like a mall that houses various shops,offices and things like that. There came my angel. I use the word 'my' cos I decided she was mine the moment I saw her. She was wearing a blue jean, a pink short kurta and a coolers. Within a jiffy I decided that she's the one for me. Who knows who's made for whom. It all happens. Somewhere, something decides this. I couldn't get my eyes outta her. I thanked someone other than me who did all the stupid things since morning so that I could meet the love of my life. I stood there speechless, watching her. I could feel that the whole world is in front of me when I see her. Angel, Cinderella, everything seems to be an understatement when I tried to describe her. Again an interruption... A car came in front of her and a guy came outta the car and gently took her into it. Fuck. Who the hell is this? May be her bf or brother??? No. That should be her bro. She's definitely mine. Amidst all these ambivalence, I felt butterflies in my stomach when I just think about her. With all her thoughts in my heart, I went to bed.

The next day when I woke up, I felt something different. I wanted to go to the office early. Not because of the work or status call. Well... You know. Again I went to that bus stop to see her. As per my calculations, she came there exactly at the same time as the previous day. After sometime, the same car came. The same guy. I made a promise to myself, whatever may be the case, every evening exactly at the same time, I will go to that bus stop and wait for her arrival. And this continued for several days, weeks, months. I never bothered to know who she's, what she's doing in that building, who that guys is. But I continued to watch her. I did nothing other than watching her. Some of the guys are like this. They know what they are doing is not right. But they continue to do that. They never get the courage to talk to the girl they like, tell her how much they love, what they feel for her. I just realized that am jus one of them. I told my friends about all these and they insisted me to get her details and to proceed further. How could I? Days jus went by. And I never missed an evening to see her.

That day was no different from the previous day except one thing. As usual I waited for her near the bus stop and I had to go thru this, which I never imagined I would. I just tried to cross the road and talk to her for the first time.Myriad of things were going thru my mind. How am I gonna call her? What am I gonna talk to her. Nothing. I haven't prepared anything. Let it be extempore. And everything came to an end. I could feel that something is happening to me. Couldn't explain it. Am sure that, it was not good. I jus realized that I was hit by a car and am flying in mid air. I know I will be good. I will wake up the next day realizing everything happening now was a dream. I will be as good as I was before. I will go and tell her how much I love her. BANG. That was the last thing i remembered before I woke up in a strange place something like a hospital. I could see my parents, relatives, friends, around me crying. I tried to tell them that am fine but in vain. I was not able to talk. I begged god to make them feel that am good. Also I told him,no matter what happens, when am free from this shit, first thing I wanna see is to see her face, I need to watch her, for the rest of her life.There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

The next day, same bus stop, she came outta of that building and waited for her car. The same car, the same guy. But today something was different. The guy hugged her tightly and told her "Congrats sis.. Today is a special day for you. You'll never forget this day in your life'. He also told her sis that they aren't going home but to some other place. They went to the same hospital. The same hospital where Raj was admitted. Her bro talked to the doctor and came to her, held her hand and told the happy news she could ever hear. 'Sis, you don't need to attend braille classes. You don't need to wear the coolers. You got a donor. You can see the beauty of the whole world." They were waiting for this moment for years. She had a rare condition and that made her to wait this long to get a possible match. For the first time in his life, he saw the happiness in her.

She : Thanks bro... Thank you so much...
He : why to thank me??? We got to thank the donor
She : Who's that?
He : His name is Raj. He was working in the office opposite to the building where you went for your braille classes. Yesterday he met with an accident and now... Am sorry. He's no more. But he has already donated his eyes. And his family members were magnanimous enough to donate his eyes.

The surgery went well and as Raj wished, the first thing she saw when she opened her (no.. may be Raj's) eyes was her face. As Raj wished he can watch her for the rest of her life but thru her. His love for her will never stop as it's eternal.



Life is too short. None knows the next moment truth. Suddenly one day we'll wake up, realizing things are changing, they are not as we thought, our friends, loved ones growing old, things that passed us, things that can't be changed now. But somewhere, someone will be waiting for us. But we need to tell them they are important to us as we are for them. It's important to live the life to the fullest while we are alive. And yes, Mark Twain must be a legend to tell this, Twenty years from now we will be more disappointed by the things we didn't do than by the ones we did do.

Note :
This is my first work of fiction. Jus got this story line in a dream and wanted to work on it. And here am done with that after adding necessary flavors... And thanks to my sis (or should i call her my bro) who reviewed the draft version.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Motorcycle(s) and Me...

Like any other guys, I always loved riding motor cycles... Right from my teenage, riding bikes has become my passion... I guess, the motorcycle am owning now is hmmm 1,2,...... Yes 7th one... And I can proudly say that this is 'My motorcycle'... Cos I bought it with my own money and not my parents' :-)... And I bought it on a very special day... 1st September 2005... The day which will always be close to my heart for some other special reason... And that's the reason why I don wanna sell it... Hell yeah... Am an emotional idiot... :-(

And I always wanted to own some kinda hi-fi sports bike... Honda CBR, Yamaha R1, Suzuki Hayabusa... He he he... At that time it was too much for a fresh grad who was just outta his college... So I decided something... Let's get a Honda 150 CC motorcycle and remodel it to look like Honda CBR... That's much easier... As simple as this huh... But my dad... He didn't allow me to do that... He's a kinda person who maintains his car more than anything else... Daily he used to clean his car for at least 20 min... I still remember, when I was a kid (still am :-)), he used to love his Yezdi MC... I too loved it...

Me: Please pa... Let me remodel my MC...
Dad: Hell no... It's looking good now and u'll screw the looks as well as the performance... No way...
Me: Please pa... You'll really love the new looks and I've already enquired the price...
Dad: No way son..
Me: This is my bike and I'll do it... And that's why I bought it with my own money...
Dad: U won't listen... At least wait for a year... Service it regularly and maintain properly... U can remodel it at the end of first year...

That's what I was waiting for... He thought that I'll forget it after 1 year... But me huh.... No way... Exactly after 1 year I did it... I didn't even inform my parents... Well... I actually loved it... Though it's bit difficult to ride and it's heavier... I loved it... I had a pinch of pride when someone asked me about my bike... Hell yeah.. That's my bike...

But my mindset had a shift 3 weeks b4.... It's all cos of a small accident... This is my second bike accident... In the first one, I narrowly escaped w/o even a small scratch... That happened in hmmmm,... 2001... My god... It was b4 9 years...... Actually my friend and I were coming back from entrance exam coaching and a car passed us... And that irritated me and I overtook it with my Samurai (The bike with no problem!!!)... But I didn't notice a speed breaker and applied the break and the car hit us... My friend who was a pillion rider flew from the bike and fell down and I still dunno how I escaped without a minor scratch... Thank God...

And this time... After 9 years... 14th or 15th April 2010... It was dark... And I didn't wear my helmet... I wasn't racing... Jus a normal speed of 50 kmh... Suddenly I realized that there was a barricade in front of me... Lotsa gravels.... And some large stones in front of the barricade...
Hell no... I applied both the breaks and that's the last thing i remember... The next few seconds were completely outta my control...

I can feel that am falling down...
I can feel that am trying to save me w/o getting hurt but in vain...
I can feel that my ankle failed to balance...
I can feel that my leg, hand and face are getting hurt...

But I can't do anything.... Everything is happening outta my control...

Myriad of thoughts went thru my mind in that jiffy....

Will I see my family again???
BANG...........

I still have some pending duties... Will I complete it???
BANG...........

Shit... I didn't tell her that I still love her...
BANG...........

Will I see my friends again???
BANG...........

Will my dream come true???
BANG...........

Or will I become Anbesivam Nalla???
BANG...........

Cos me and by bro were avid fan of Kamal and we were discussing Anbe sivam the day before this incident and that's why... :-)

I made a promise that I will write a post on this incident if am alive... Thank god... And am here... Am writing it...

A guy came to help me and lifted me... The first question I asked him...

Howz my face??? Is it hurt more??? (Chummave namma muham oru mathiri than irukkum.. Ithula ithu veraya???)

He convinced me and gave water to clean the wounds... I couldn't walk properly and somehow cleaned my wound... I checked for any head injury... No blood from head... Thank god... Nothing happened to my eye... Even if a tiny gravel hit my eye, I would be sitting here as a blind guy... Thank god again... Nothing happened...
He's one such a noble guy... Thanks a lot man... I didn't even get his name...

Then I thought I could manage and started my MC... Oops... Jus 2 min,.. I could see that the world in front of me is darkening and am feeling sleepy... Hell... Am fainting... Stopped my MC, got down and laid down on the pavement... Didn't know that am lying near a gutter... No way... After sometime again I started to ride... No way... I couldn't... Stopped again... I haven't got the guts to inform my parents... They'll feel bad... Called my friend... He came and helped me to reach home...

That's the end of the story... And one imp thing.. All these things happened jus one week b4 my exams... Ha ha ha... And am fortunate that I've escaped w/o any major injury... No fracture, no stitches... Jus deep bruises... That's it... God's great...

And that's the end of my bike fantasy... The first thing I did was to remodel my MC back to the original form... Now am using my helmet even if I wanna go to the nearby shop... Am not crossing 70 kmh... :-)

And that's all about it...

Sunday, February 14, 2010

It's all about relationship...

Today is valentine's day... So this post is definitely gonna be something on love amongst 'n' number of other posts that are gonna flow today...

Love - Yeah.. It's a quintessential of perfect complexity... A word that brings butterflies in stomach, feels like being on cloud # 9 for someone, pain in the heart, tears in the eye for someone... Sometimes both...

Hey...B4 that I jus wanna visit my 2009 V day's post... Time flies by... Huh.. Too fast...

Love... It's a locus searching for particular coordinates in a 3D space... Once valid coordinates have been found, it can satisfy most complex, illogical, irrational equations... But sometimes it fails to satisfy even a simple equation in life.... When one or more coordinates completely mismatches the rest... So what are these coordinates? 2 living beings/things and the bond that binds them... The bond... Most important one.. Generally failures happen because of wrong bonding... The bond may take any value, friendship, infatuation, soulmate, lust, etc etc etc... But the 2 persons who are linked by this bond should definitely be aware of these bonding...

We see couples everywhere... In temples, beaches, coffee shops, discotheque,,, Sometimes moving freely, sometimes with a hint of fear... Focusing just on the prenuptial soulmate relationship of a boy and a girl, I've just broadly categorized few types of love... Hey.. This's just my perception... This is my blog and I have the right to express my views... :-)

The perfect couples
These guys, met by chance or fate or anything, know they are made for each other... They'll cherish the beauty of love, make the impossible possible, travel the entire journey of life with rejoice, never give up on each other, always gives the best to each other... Whatever happens, they'll stay together forever forever in their life...

The Pseudos
Hmmmm... They too know the truth that they are not made for each other... For them, love is just an avocation, a pastime... They just need a company for time being... They are also clear in their thoughts... A defined path awaits them... They just part their ways at the right time and never look back at their past... As simple as this...

The patsy and the shammer
Oh my... The type that I hate the most... Either the boy or the girl will be bedazzled by the other... It's a mixture of cat#1,2... One from cat #1 and the other from cat # 2... One is serious and ready to give his/her life to the other and the second one just enjoys his/her company and wants to get rid of this relationship at some part of life... Here one will be seriously hurt while for the other it's just a passing cloud, water in the stream...

The flummoxed
The crazy thing... They don't know what they are upto... They can't clearly define their relationship... They don't even know whether it's love or friendship or infatuation or just nothing... They not only confuse themselves but also their surrounding environment... They are simply perplexed, not knowing their bonding... They may end up as cat # 1 or cat # 2.. Their situation is just as the situation of a cat on the wall...

Well apart from these there are many guys or gals who tell others that they hate love, or they are in search of love, or some despos who are madly in search of a relationship or few guys who were in cat # 1 and finally end up in a breakup due to some strange stupid reasons... Am not gonna talk abt them... Probably I will, in my future posts...

What am I gonna do today...??? I feel like spending this evening in thiruvanmiyur beach, the place I won't forget in my life... But I won't...

And for u... If you wanna read a soothing,poignant, love story on this very special day, please read 'I too had a love story' by Ravinder Singh...

An ending quote (from the same novel),
Not everyone in this world has the fate to cherish the fullest form of love. Some are born, just to experience the abbreviation of it...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Paradigm shift in tamil cinema

I actually decided to write about something else but finally ended up writing this cos of various reasons...

Am a real movie buff and an avid fan of Selvaraghavan... So I watched his latest venture 'Ayirathil Oruvan', the very first day... I liked the movie like anything... Especially the second half of the movie... I should say, he has framed a new paradigm for tamil cinema... None has given such a well crafted movie of this genre in tamil industry...




Mostly the movies that revolves around history will only concentrate on past factual events... Or some movies of treasure hunt genre will purely be fictitious... But this is a perfect mixture of history and fiction, which makes it first of it's kind in tamil film industry...

One can see Selva's hard work in collecting all the facts and associating it with modern science... wow... He should be really proud of his work... Especially the second half, which totally portrays a new tone compared to the first half... The sequences, the taking... I should say, it's simply amazing to see such kind of movies in tamil rather than the typical masala type movies... Also the music is really soothing,... My favorite is 'Celebration of life' which is just enchanting...

But this movie is receiving mixed reviews.... While watching the second half, most of the guys in the theater were really pissed off and they actually wanted to leave the hall asap...I dunno why... I was totally into the movie surprised at the taking of the movie... But most of the guys didn't like it at all... I didn't really want to hear those and enjoyed the movie till the end...

Later I tried to get others opinion as I really wanted to know the reason for their acts... From their reviews I noticed that there are few flaws in the movie... Especially the difference in tone... the first half is entirely different from the second half... Everyone who watched the first half with that zeal will definitely expect the second half to have something like a 'Time travel' or 'A splendid flash back' or 'Reincarnation stories'... But in contrast Selva gave a new tone to the movie that completely ignores the tone of first half... Though he gave it as a surprise element, most of the audiences are not able to digest the complete shift in tone... Also the way he portrayed few sequences in climax... Hmmmm... He should have given a second thought about it...

When I tried to explain these things to few persons, they were not accepting it... Instead they thought I was just trying to be different by praising this movie... Ha ha ha... why should I??? Is Selva paying me to do this??? But few guys , I should say like minded guys... They really enjoyed the movie the same way I enjoyed it... So am not being different... Thank god... And when we discussed few things, we ended up in praising the same scenes that I enjoyed the most...

To wind up, am not saying this is a movie that will be liked by everyone... It's only for miniscule audience... But one can definitely watch it for the Selva's hard work...

Monday, November 30, 2009

Gibbers

Fell in love and it's time to rise...

Let me dream about u...
Let me hold ur hand...
Let me walk with u...
Let me live with u...
That would be the best part of my life....

The moments we laughed together...
The moments we exchanged our views...
The moments you leaned on my shoulder...
The moments you held my hand...
Dreaming what we were....
All those golden moments for making strangers outta us????

You stole my heart...
You stole my memories...
You stole my senses...
You stole my soul...
You stole me...
Now without all these,,, How can i survive???

It's strange to know that you have selective amnesia...
It's even stranger that you can actually select what you wanna forget..,


Its flowing thru my veins,,,
Its crawling in my heart...
Its growing as i grow...
Its smothering in my mind...
I don wanna live with it...
I don wanna live without it...
I jus wanna remember it... Till my end...
Mixed with my soul....


You played all the strings of my heart,,,
Now my heart has become mute without u...

All bad has a good thing in it....
And all good has a bad thing in it...

Am trying to forget u...
But am remembering u every moment..
I love u every time you come to my mind..
Oh yes... I love you every moment...
Why this to me???

Am searching for you everywhere...
But am not able to find u...
Am losing you when i search u...
so i stopped searching you...
So you can be with me always...

I've always been with you when u needed me...
Now you are not with me when i need you badly...

The one who loved all the stupid and simple things in me is now hating the whole of me....

She understood all the complex things in me that I found difficult to put in words....

I know am nothing,...
But the girl with me is more than anything...
Knowing this made me something....

Am missing all the sweet disturbances I had.....
What's life without those tiny little disturbances..??

Am falling in love with you each and every moment I think about you...

Before,
Even a single thought about u brought me butterflies in my stomach....
Now,
Even a single thought about u is bringing me tears....

Often am thinking of being with u....
Sometimes it feels better than heaven...
And sometimes it's worse than hell....



Sunday, November 22, 2009

Love means never having to say you're sorry

Hmmm... It's been very long time since i completely indulged myself into a good book... I had only been a bathroom reader these days....

Great poet Mahakavi once said,

காலை எழுந்தவுடன் படிப்பு
பின்பு கனிவு கொடுக்கும் நல்ல பாட்டு
மாலை முழுதும் விளையாட்டு
என பழக்க படுத்தி கொள்ள பாப்பா

And am following this earnestly... Yes... As soon as i wake up, I search for the book kept near my bed, go to the bathroom, switch on the FM player in the bathroom and enjoy both the book and the music while attending nature's call.... And hell yes... Still am spending my evenings in gym....
But am not able to enjoy the continuity of any book because of this interrupted reading... Last Sunday (15th Nov 2009) I badly wanted to read a book at one stretch... But I couldn't go out to get a new book since it was raining like hell... One of my roommates has got few books...

Before continuing this, I must tell something about that sloth... He and I have a common taste when it comes to Movies and Books... Just these two I guess... But he's the lazzzzzzziest guy in our room who really find it difficult to make up his own bed when he wakes up... Hmmmm... May be the second laziest guy... He got a forerunner (obviously not me)... But he's good at one thing as far as am concerned... He's good at finding the download source for the movies... Just name the movie... He'll download the best print one can ever find... :-) Thanks for all his efforts without which I couldn't have watched most of the movies... And yes.... Thanks in advance for the upcoming downloads... :-)

Oh yes... Till now I could only find little relation between the topic and the content.... K fine... Let me come to the point... Where was I??? Yes... He got chetan Baghat's new venture "2 states"... I've always loved chetan's works and i know it for sure this book won't be boring.... He was reading the last part... In the mean time i thought of reading some other book... I badly needed to quench my reading urge.... I checked the mini library (may be around 30 to 40 books, i should have used the word micro mini library!!!) in our home... There I found "Love Story" by Erich Segal... It's the smallest book (less # of pages) there and that was the real reason why I chose to read that book in first place... I read one of the reviews in the back cover.... It read "This is for those Who were in luv, who are in luv, who will be in luv"... I got 2 out of 3 (am not gonna tell which 2)... So obviously I got to read this...

The very first line itself stole me.... When am reading the book I could feel some kinda similarity between this novel and Alaipayuthey movie... I guess Maniratnam has beautifully crafted this story to fit perfectly for Indian audiences... One could taste romance in each and every dialogue between Oliver and Jenny (the couples)... One could feel the joy and pain of love more than they actually need.... Hmmm... It may seem like am exaggerating things here... May be am... But one should really read this book once to feel the real color of love... I just can't get my eye out of the book in the last ten pages... No words to describe it actually... Oh yes... The topic of this post is none other than the tag line of this novel...

Then I googled to get details about this book and found that paramount pictures actually made a movie with the same title... Hurray... Downloaded it and watched it without any second thought... As usual the screen version is bit shorter than the paper version, but i loved the chemistry between the couples...

Generally when we are madly after something/someone we will be forced to get more details about the same and we wanted to remain in the same feeling for sometime.... That happened to me in this case... After I read that book, I couldn't stop myself to go and read another love story... Then i started with "2 states"... That's also a nice love story to read... The gist given in the back cover of the book simply tells you the entire story... But my quest for love stories didn't stop after this...

The next day I visited landmark in my office and got another book... "Those small lil things in love and life" by Rahul Saini... Oh yes... That's not up to the level I expected... Now I've started with my 4th novel in love genre... "Nothing for you my dear, Still I love u" by Arpit Dugar.... Les see where this's gonna take me....